Thursday, March 2, 2017

We Broke the Internet & Tasted Microwaves: My sAWESOME Interview with CB Archer

Well kids, today I'm going to do something that I have never done in the history of this blog: I am going to post a warning. The following is an incredibly strange, exceptionally fun, and surprisingly tame interview with the guy who created the crazy-sexy-hilarious genre of Elfrotica. But despite the tameness, there will be talk of monster wang and sexy sex of the monster sex variety. As such: reader discretion is advised.

Or instead of reading the advisory, here's a visual representation of what to expect.


Before we get to the interview, I'll remind you all once again that this is #RobotPartyWeek, which was CB's impromptu promo idea. If you haven't yet gone out and grabbed up his free books(come on, you know you're curious), there is still time. He's got a different freebie each day until Saturday, so go, grab, and see what they hype is all about.

And now, without further ado, an onomatopoeia:

Christina McMullen: Crash!

CB Archer: Bang in the boom!

CM: That is the sound the internet is making right now as it anticipates how very much it will be broken by this interview.

CB: The internet is right to worry.

CM: But before we get to the sAWESOME stuff and the importance of pastry, let's do the hum drum getting to know you stuff. Wait, who are you again?

CB: Hello Christina and all of your robot minions! I am CB Archer, author of all genres of Elfrotica, and all around happy author.

CM: And you will be immortalized for the creation of said Elfrotica. Tell the people at home a little about what that entails.

CB: *CB Archer changes to Blush Shade #1*

CM: My goal is to unlock blush shade #10 by the time we're through.

CB: Elfrotica at its core is a mix of a few genres of fiction, fantasy, humour, and (of course) erotica. Since the introduction of the Tales the 'Fantasy' section has been shifted a few times to Sci-Fi, post-apocalyptic, and even Cookbook!
(That is a Valiant Goal. #10 hasn't even been unlocked in the world yet!)

CM: Ah yes, in addition to the completion of the Annals of Genitalia Anders' Quest trilogy, you have a series of novelettes that also take place in various videogames. What a brilliant marketing plan! In fact it's so brilliant, why don't you spend some time talking about the incredibly awesome genius who inspired this idea?

Yes, that's a lady on the right.
Yes, that's what you think it is.
CB: Adding small Tales to the series was an absolutely brilliant idea. I am so glad that it was thrust upon me, as they are a brilliant marketing idea (and I suggest that everyone who wants to boost their Elfrotica sales do it). They were first suggested to me by an amazing and inspiring author, whose work I really admire. I can't believe that they even talked to me really, I mean, I am humbled and in awe of them every time they reply to my messages, I mean, super humbled by them! They are so great, and helpful to everyone, like a cheerleader to the world of indie publishing. This author is of course *Changes to Blush Shade #2* - you, Christina McMullen!

CM: *Gasp!* What a twist! I did not see that one coming! Okay fine, I did. But truly, I'm glad to have inspired because this gives you a great way to expand the genre AND it gives those of us who love the series more to read. And as I mentioned at the beginning of the week, this is Robot Party Week, so hopefully folks have been scooping up the free Tales.

CB: It is randomly Robot Party Week and I am excited for it!

CM: That was a brilliant bit of random too! Can you give us a sneak preview of what's next on the agenda for that series?

Pictured:
Regulation butt stuff.
CB: In the Tales series I have some exciting entries coming up. Things that really break the Annals of Gentalia mold! Things that anyone who has read my work would never expect. - A story with Heterosexuality, and a story that will not have any sex at all in it! (gasp!).
Pictured;
Non-regulation butt stuff.
 Oh, and also some other tales with regulation butt stuff for the fans! (I am eccentric, not crazy!)

CM: Oh yeah. I suppose we should mention that. Your books, while probably some of the most anything goes I've ever read, definitely fall mostly into the male on male sexy times category.



Now, typically, this requires a warning and I must say, your warning about vigorous monster banging is one of my favorites, but as is evident by...Ahem... Certain reviews, people don't always read the warning.



But... There is a flip side to this, isn't there? Despite the mostly gay sex themes running pantsless through your books, you have an appreciable fan base of straight men. How amazing is that?

CB: There are three questions here! I am going to answer them one at a time! :D

CM: We have rules now?

CB: My books certainly fall more into the male on male section of the rainbow, but I do like to include more than only male on male (mostly male monster) in my books.
There are no rules in Elfrotica! Except for all the rules I imposed on myself. Like the Text Boxes, and the similar blurbs, and the *Changes to Blush Shade #3* giant monster dicks!

Certain people do not read all the warnings! Or the preview on Amazon! They are there for a reason readers! While my books are light-hearted and fun, they also have jiggly bits!

I do not know why I have been granted the elusive title of 'The Straight Whisper'*. The books are video gamed themed, and funny, (plus I think I am fun to interact with on Twitter**) so this might be the reason why some confirmed lovers of lady bits have been tempted to read my books! I am glad to be opening minds! Well, opening anything really, I don't judge.

(Christina’s notes: *I totally named him that. **Seriously, CB is wildly entertaining on Twitter. Follow him! Follow him now!)

CM: Sandwich break! What did you grab?

CB: I picked a nice basil and rosemary turkey breast with a slice of Swiss on marble rye!

CM: Excellent choice! I chose a mushroom melt with extra hot peppers.

Looks like we've
got leveling to do
CB: It tasted like A discounted Microwave. I don't have enough ranks in cooking. :D

CM: Ugh! Mine taste like tuna noodle casserole. I clearly have less rank.

CB: If it tasted like actual food, you have more than I do!

CM: Didn't we decide tuna noodle casserole isn't food?

CB: We did, but it is probably tastier than licking the side of a microwave.
Maybe.
Probably.
I bet it isn't.
Yeah, it isn't. I checked.


CM: Point taken.



Anyone who is confused by this conversation has some reading to do.



So we've talked around the series, but we haven't said anything about the main three books yet. That needs to change! Tell us about Anders!!!

Hey! He looks familiar!
CB: Biscuits! Anders is the protagonist of The Anders' Quest Series (amazing how that works). He is certainly not based off of me, not at all. I am just using his face icon as my avatar icon because... reasons! *Changes to Blush Shade #4* 



Anders is an absolute sweetheart who is always willing to lend a hand to those in need, refuses to use foul language, and has a magical butt capable of taking all sorts of giant monster *Skips to Blush Shade #6* challenges!

CM: Anders' aversion to swearing was probably the first thing I found endearing about this series. Is that weird? Look what you've done! You've made a kawaii sex romp that gives people the feels!

CB: That was my goal, give people the feels while they are feeling themselves!

Some less supporting than others
CM: *uses laugh animation* And then there's the supporting cast.

CB: Supporting!

CM: Okay, so...
Everyone else has gotten this one question, or a variation of it. It's about alien robots from outer space coming down and destroying Earth.
You will get the same question...

CB: Okay, that is confusing and fair!

CM: But you will also get extra bonus broken questions just because. So let's start with the basics.:

Alien robots from outer space have come to Earth and are holding all of your loved ones hostage. Who, up to three, of your characters do you get to help you save the world and what item do they use to help?


nEAT!
CB: Okay, that is a great question. I am going to need to enlist the following characters in the following order:

- Roodg. I need someone to help me create the plan of saving others, and there is no one I would trust more with making an insane plan (that actually worked) than Roodg!







So dramatic!

Roodg would tell me that we would need the help of Fournimer. Fournimer would stand in front of the alien robots with his scarf dramatically blowing in the wind. There is nothing more distracting than a scarf blowing dramatically in the wind.






Suck it, Anders
Next, we would need the help of an elf that could really handle an entire army of robot aliens. That elf, of course, would be Bufik Lanet from All Men's Space. Everyone would be in shock that it wasn't Anders, but we need an elf with a booty that can handle many foes at once, not one giant foe, and there is only one elf that can handle that many robot aliens at once, and that is Bufik!



Wait... are they allowed to be defeated with kinky elf sex? I hope so, that was our plan.


CM: I'm sure our alien robot overlords wouldn't have it any other way. *uses wink animation*



Now for the next question: You're looking for a nice relaxing nigh of mindless videogame action, but oh no! Residual laser beam from the alien robots hit your console and broke it... Like... Tornado Tech broken... What game are you playing and which character are you:

1. Most excited to see broken that way.

2. Least excited to see broken that way.
3. Are pleasantly surprised to see had skills you wouldn't have dreamed of.

Skyrim Anders? #ArrowToTheElfButt

CB: Curse those Aliens! Curse them!

I often play games such as Dragon Age, Stardew Valley, and Soul Calibur. These games let me create my own characters, and *Changes to Blush Shade #7* I must admit that I tend to make the characters from my books. So there is a really good chance that I would be dealing with the likes of Skyrim Anders, or Fallout: New Vegas Lissa.

But, that wasn't the question now was it?

CM: No, but that's great info!

CB: 1. A character I would be excited to see broken in this way. That would be Link, simply because he is the original sexy elf, and dang it, I want to cuddle with him!

2. Least excited to get broken and hit on me, that is a tough one (as I am very open minded)! Going to need to go with The Evil Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed, Slug-for-a-Butt from Earthworm Jim.

CM: Gah! Good(?) choice.

CB: 3. Most surprised by their secret talents? I am going to have to go with Kirby, because, well... he can *Changes to Blush Shade #8*... he has a lot of blowing potential.

CM: Whelp! That's it. You did it. You made me blush. *checks special interviewer shades* Oh dear. I'm officially Blush Shade #Barbara Walters.

CB: Wow, even I have never heard of Blush Shade #Barbara Walters! Amazing

CM: Oh! Hold the phone! Literally... We have breaking news...

CB: !!! Did Kirby finally reply to my Texts?

CM: Sorry, not yet. I'm sure he's just busy. *play it cool animation* No, our news is that Nokia is re-releasing the 3310 cell phone complete with the game Snake. Could you find a way to pervert this incredibly breakably named but not so much content game for sexy lolz?


CB: Gee, a game where a slender tube shaped creature gets longer and longer the more you eat, until the point where it is so gigantic that it hits itself and presumably needs to stop playing the game because it gets itself caught in its own throat?

...

Nope! Can't see anything suggestive about that.

CM: *Changes to Interviewer Blush Shade #Oprah*

CB: Bwahahaha! I have made you blush even further with my impressive skill with giant snake gobbling! Wait, "My impressive skill with giant snake gobbling?!" *Changes to Blush Shade #9*

CM: Oh snap! And here I was just about to wrap things up (practice safe interviews, people), but now we need to unlock Blush Shade #10!

CB: Aw, that is so sweet of you. It really makes me feel great that you want to accomplish such a thing! Aw, so much niceness. *Changes to Blush Shade #10*

CM: Level up!
Okay, I'll let you off the hook now. So, now that Anders has gotten his happy ending, what's next for the world of Gentalia?

CB: I have a spreadsheet already set up that has details for the next trilogy! Squee! (Yes, I get giddy over spreadsheets) I also have an idea for a shorter single novel, and plus many Tales to complete! I will be going hard for some time!
!!!
Going hard! *Changes to Blush Shade #MAXIMUM*

CM: That did it! I think I've gone Blush Shade #Ellen!

CB: Ellen is another term for Maximum.

CM: CB, it's been an absolute pleasure breaking the internet with you. Thank you for putting up with this!

CB: I should be the one thanking you for putting up with this! Thank you Christina, it was a lot of fun!


CM: Well folks, if that didn't convince you to hop aboard the Elfrotica boat (and yes, it's a boat, not a train, because plot!), then here's one last shameless link to CB's Amazon Author Page where perhaps all the pretty colors will hypnotize you into buying all the things. 

Connect with CB (especially on Twitter!)

5 comments:

  1. Great interview from both sides! I had a blast reading it.

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  2. What a fun interview! I learned so much about this CB Archer fellow.

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  3. Dunno why I felt like I had to hide from my daughters to read this; they're probably older than you guys...I'm sure I am...but they don't like to think of their mother, er, enjoying herself. Great interview.

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